One way to look at the negative relationships we find ourselves in is to take a look at how we communicate. A definition for negative communications that Dr. Roger Allen uses is a term called collusion, “a circular and mutually reinforcing negative interaction.”
It goes like this: Boss doesn’t trust Staff to make decisions and so becomes involved in the details of the decision-making. Staff sees Boss as lacking confidence in their decision making so lets Boss make more of the decisions. Boss sees staff not working through the decision making details so takes more responsibility. Staff sees Boss taking work so stops working on the same thing. The Staff stop making decisions.
Wow, that spun out of control fast! Have you seen that before? (If you have teenagers I know you have.)
There are two viewpoints in this downward spiral, Boss and Staff. Each party has viewed the situation from a different perspective and behaved according to their perception. It creates a cycle and we continue to feed it. We continue to view this from our point of view only and don’t realize there could be another reason for this series of interactions.
So as you read this think about difficult relationships you may be in and could you break the cycle? Could you look at communication the other person’s lens?
It is not easy and the secret is trust. If you want to know more send me an email.
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2 comments:
Interesting topic.
From the staff point of view (singular):
How does a staff member balance the subordinate roll with the assertiveness that you seem to imply is lacking and not get disciplined?
From the staff point of view (plural):
How does the member of the staff group assert his/her self in an attempt to break the cycle without offending the other group members (implication that they are contributing to the problem)?
How might issues of culture play into the assertiveness factor from the staff point of view? For example, not all culture/gender mixes value assertiveness in public.
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